After 10+ years of dreams ... since my first time in NZ in 1999 ...
Then ... after I swore to myself to come back here since I first saw Lord of the rings ...

for 3 years I have try ... for 3 years of happiness in New Zealand ...

It's time for me to go back ... in an issue to find a permanent job 'cause I will be the only one who will have income for my family of 5 members (my grand parents, aunt, my mom and me) ...

....

I have been tring.
I have to confess that I really don't wanna go ... really ... really don't wanna go back ...

But I can't simply take "any job" to keep me here and risk my family upon my dream of living in New Zealand ...

I have cried so hard for many months ... I have felt stress and sick (migraine)because I can't get my dream job ...
And I just can't simply left my art skill to do any other job as a transfer skill ...

I love my art ... it's my life ...
But I still have to respond to my family too.
And I still have a dream ...

But ... it just can't come true all at once ...

....

I don't want to give up ... I'm still fighting ...
Maybe just different way ... which will take much longer time ...

...

Today I'm may not good enough ... but someday ... I hope ... I will ...